Don’t Stop

I came home late one night, and found a piece of paper wedged on my door.  To my dismay, it’s a late fee for a pet fee, costing me exactly sixty five dollars, instead of the usual fifteen dollars.  Here in the Unites States, renters pay for their pets too.  I know a lot of other places in the world doesn’t do such a thing. The next morning I went to the property manager’s office, just to find out she wasn’t there, so much for waking up early.  I decided to just go back later on and did some errands.  I finally caught  up with her and paid the late fee.  Usually when we talked, it’s very brief.  Just the usual “hi, hello, how are you, bye, thank you.” It’s been almost two years since I got divorced.  I looked horrid before, during and the aftermath of that ordeal.  I never thought I could regain my composure, nor take back the essence of my life that was taken by years of betrayal and gaslighting.  Nevertheless, by the grace of God, I did and I’ve never been happier. A large amount of my family, friends, acquaintance and associates noticed all the transformation that was the result of what I went through. “Oh, you look lively.  You’re blooming.  You look happy.  You gained weight (I was scrawny).” There I was sitting across the desk from the property manager’s office, check on the […]

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Unworthy

During the course of my marriage I was a lukewarm Christian. After such a tumultuous (for the most part) relationship with my former spouse I broke down, they were numerous times at night after work that all I wanted is to drive as far I can be, instead of heading north towards home, all I wanted is to drive south, […]

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Gone

My daughter and I were at a Wal-Mart neighborhood market. I was picking through the bananas trying to select the ones that’s not too ripe.  When suddenly out of nowhere she says, “Life is unfair, I have a broken family, why are you divorced.”  I was taken aback and I felt that nudge in my heart again.  I could hear my mind grinding and saying, “I hope it won’t affect you when you grow up, I hope you’ll turn out just fine, I hope you’ll be better than us (my ex and I).” I would do everything to make my daughter happy, even if it means reconciliation with her mother in spite of what she had put me through.  But it’s long overdue.  The era of giving chances and pursuing is over.  Yes, it sounds contradicting to the faith I practice.  I have been criticized that I have become numb and that my heart has been hardened, that I should give her another chance (twice committing infidelity, one I can’t proved).  Another chance?  I have given so much that I’ve lost my self in the process, I have given so much that I was taken advantage,  I have given so much that I was viewed as weak, feeble, powerless, dumb and stupid.  Yet, there’s only one reason why I gave so many-Love! “But you’re a Christian, Christians are supposed to be forgiving and kind all the time.”  Yes, we must […]

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Out of the Ashes

When I found out that my former spouse has betrayed me, as I read the exchanged of text messages.  Sultry, as I would describe it, but that’s putting it lightly.  That very moment, time suddenly froze.  It’s like the essence of life in me have been snuffed out like you would blow a candle.  Gone, just like that and every thing turned into total darkness and the only thing you could smell are the smoke rising from the flame that’s been smothered.  Gone is the light that made me see.  No way out, arms stretched out with my hands and palms trying to grasp for the light.  I couldn’t see a thing.  I stumbled and fell as I try to feel the walls hoping I’ll found a way out.  Alas, she has taken my soul! Season changed and time went by.  I’ve completely lost myself and as I struggled through the darkness, I navigate through my surroundings not by  seeing but by feeling.  Languidly, I start to paint a mental picture of the whole place until I found a door but to my dismay it was shut tight like someone boarded it up and nailed it shut.  I am a prisoner of my own self. Now, I have the knowledge where all the things that would’ve made me tumble.  I know them by heart, but still I am trapped in this place and every breath I take seems like eternity.  […]

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The Unwitting Victim(s) of Divorce

Most think the one that suffer the most in divorce are couples, but the silent victims are the children.  I remember how my daughter was so confused.  She couldn’t decide who to follow, who to believe or who’s place she’s going to sleep when evening comes.  Every time I looked at her, though she didn’t speak openly I could see […]

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No Regrets

I’ve always been ask if I have any regrets marrying my former spouse.  Could I have prevented it if I listened to the counsel of my friends and the words of wisdom from my own mother (they were all against it).  I’ve always been told that it was such a waste-fourteen years-and that’s just it.  I do admit they are […]

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Marriage is not for you..

if you don’t want someone telling you what to do. if you’re not financially responsible. if you don’t want someone to rearrange your furniture or wardrobe. if you have a problem putting the toilet seat up or too lazy to refill the toilet paper. if you loathe self-sacrifice. if you’re a burden to each other. if you can’t keep your fly closed or keep your legs closed. if you think it’s the answer to all your troubles. if you think life will be easier. if you just want to be taken care of. if your career takes precedence above all else. if you dislike doing house chores. if you love the company of your friends more than your companion. if you can’t hold your tongue. if you  dread the idea of sleeping with only one individual for the rest of your life. if you’re dominating. if you find it repulsive to compromise and work out differences. if you can’t manage your anger. if you like to hold grudges and score cards. if you hate doing dishes. if you despised cooking. if your seam burst every time a button is press. if you craved instant gratification. if you take things for granted, whine about every thing and appreciate nothing. if you don’t like to explain things over and over. if you don’t like being asked the same questions and you give the same answer, then asked the same question again. if […]

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The Unbroken Trust

It’s been more than two weeks since my last post.  I always try methodically to post at least one article every week.  Part of it is the Christmas season, I wanted to take a break.  Part of it I didn’t know what to write nor I was able to find the inspiration to do it.  Some is just lack of effort and I wanted to spend some time reading my books since I have like thirty-five of them on my lists and they just keep growing.  And the last excuse that I have is I’m just busy at work and at home.  Only now this evening that I found time to write this. Writing has always been an outlet for me.  A place where you could journey in my world, a venue where I leave my angst, my pain and despair.  A sanctuary where I could purify myself and rid all the malice and guilt brought upon by the journey I am making in this world. It’s been a good run this year.  Soon, in a few more days, the New Year will be here.  For those who read my blog, my sincere gratitude to you all.  I’ve shared with you my failures-which for the most part dominated my life.  But in spite of it I’ve gain ground, grew up, mature spiritually.  The biggest growth I have is learning to trust God.  Letting go of the wheel and letting Him […]

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