Out of the Ashes

When I found out that my former spouse has betrayed me, as I read the exchanged of text messages.  Sultry, as I would describe it, but that’s putting it lightly.  That very moment, time suddenly froze.  It’s like the essence of life in me have been snuffed out like you would blow a candle.  Gone, just like that and every thing turned into total darkness and the only thing you could smell are the smoke rising from the flame that’s been smothered.  Gone is the light that made me see.  No way out, arms stretched out with my hands and palms trying to grasp for the light.  I couldn’t see a thing.  I stumbled and fell as I try to feel the walls hoping I’ll found a way out.  Alas, she has taken my soul! Season changed and time went by.  I’ve completely lost myself and as I struggled through the darkness, I navigate through my surroundings not by  seeing but by feeling.  Languidly, I start to paint a mental picture of the whole place until I found a door but to my dismay it was shut tight like someone boarded it up and nailed it shut.  I am a prisoner of my own self. Now, I have the knowledge where all the things that would’ve made me tumble.  I know them by heart, but still I am trapped in this place and every breath I take seems like eternity.  […]

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The Unwitting Victim(s) of Divorce

Most think the one that suffer the most in divorce are couples, but the silent victims are the children.  I remember how my daughter was so confused.  She couldn’t decide who to follow, who to believe or who’s place she’s going to sleep when evening comes.  Every time I looked at her, though she didn’t speak openly I could see […]

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No Regrets

I’ve always been ask if I have any regrets marrying my former spouse.  Could I have prevented it if I listened to the counsel of my friends and the words of wisdom from my own mother (they were all against it).  I’ve always been told that it was such a waste-fourteen years-and that’s just it.  I do admit they are […]

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Falling From Grace?

I am compelled to write this as response from a Facebook post regarding children of Christian families who were raised strictly by their parents without explaining them why to follow such rules.  Making them vulnerable especially when they go to college, not only forsaking their faith but also despising it. And what makes a believer backslide. I am not here […]

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Burning Coals

I love my job, not only because I enjoy doing it though they’re times it could be monotonous and repetitive.  But because it gives me the serenity and solitude looking through that magnifying lens with a piece of a motherboard under it.  Time and time again it is that bench where I sit with one piece of earphone plug into my left ear, and all these conundrum of ideas start swirling in my mind, like a blender mixing it  altogether.  I never knew what will be the end result, it could be bitter, sweet or sour.  The only way to find out is finish it and have a taste of it. This past Friday, I can’t help but think why still the vitriol my former wife has against me, regardless of whose fault is it why our marriage fell apart (I am not here to point fingers and play the blame game).  I do admit I  was angry and hated her with a righteous indignation.  Time goes on and went by, things became better on my part. The anger or hatred is replaced with pity. Wounds never healed but became more tolerable.  I move on and yet she still clings to that venomous lying thing called hatred.  I know that it probably gives her happiness, one way or the other.  But I also know that it’s destroying her from the inside.  What’s more dangerous is it’s subtleness, undetectable like an adder […]

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Foolish Love

“You know what your problem is?  You are too nice!”  I often hear that more than enough from friends, families and associates especially the time when my  past marriage was on its downward spiral.  Like a plane without a pilot plunging towards the bottom of the sea, or a ship without its skipper running aground and hitting a big rock.  […]

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Stop Talking About God

Every now and then I’ve been asked why I talk about God too much.  Or to stop talking about God.  Funny thing is it’s not coming from strangers or co-workers but more from a few friends and  families,  even my own daughter would say, “Papa you talk so much about God,” or from friends on social media, “Hey, turn down all that stuff about God.” But how could I stop talking about Him when He’s done so much for me.  How could I stop when  there’s no else there for me yet He is the only one that showed up.  How could I stop when He showed me kindness and grace instead of the punishment I deserve.  How could I stop when I feel His presence enveloping me with peace and comfort while I’m all teared up and heart-broken.  How could I stop when He empowers me with His strength and do the things I was never capable of doing.  How could I stop when He is my light while I was lost in darkness, and in that darkness His hands only I can see saying, “Come and take my hand, I will guide you.” How could I stop when I say I can’t do this and He says, “I have not given you a spirit of fear.”  How could I stop when I say I don’t have much to go on, and He says, “I will provide.”  Lo, and […]

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God’s Reminders

In earlier days he permitted all the nations to go their own ways, but he never left himself without a witness.  There were always his reminders, such as sending you rain and good crops and giving you food and joyful hearts. Acts 14:16-17  We tell ourselves that God doesn’t exist (for the unbeliever).  We contain God only in churches and […]

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Looking Forward

In a few hours we will be welcoming the New Year. Either we look forward or we hold ourselves back.  Either we dread going back to work or we delight in our work. Looking back, it’s been a tumultuous year for me. The divorced, the break up of my own family and the passing of my father happening all at once was no easy feat.  I was drowning, engulf in a sea of despair and hopelessness. The only one that saved me and gave me hope is the grace of God. Apart from Him, I would not survive all these.  Like anything in life, nothing last forever and that means your problems too. As I look back, I ponder upon myself, not the bitter things I’ve gone through rather  the lessons I’ve learned from it.    Did it make me a better person?  It sure did.  I am actually grateful for it because I learned more from being broken than in times of pleasure.  I don’t feel hatred for the people who put me through these( divorced), though I get annoyed once in a while.  I feel pity instead. In spite of the hurtful words and lies.  I’m always standing ready to forgive, because Christ has also forgiven me. I know a lot of my friends wouldn’t agree. Eye for eye, tooth for tooth as they say.  To think of it these are the qualities we clamor from God, from His […]

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Ungrateful Heart

I can’t help and ponder about the money I spent on a wearable fitness device, as I sat there having lunch with my daughter.  You know those thing that looks like watch than can track your daily steps, your heart rate and what not.  For those of you who don’t know, I talk to God not only when I pray but also in my daily life. From day to day decisions to the more pressing things in life. Put it this way, I talk to Him like He’s right here beside me (and I know He is.) I ask Him about pretty much everything, for every decision I make.  Even the things I desire. If there is something I can’t afford I ask Him to provide for it and He never fell short. I’ve been wanting to get a fitness tracker for a while now but I held myself back due to its price. It is something more of a want than need. Today, I decided to purchase one for myself since they’re going for fifty percent off. I thank God for providing it for me even though I didn’t ask for it. As I sat there eating, I can’t help thinking why it isn’t on sale for sixty percent off?  Think about it fifty percent is already a good deal.  That’s when I realize how ungrateful I am. Maybe that was the reason why it was on sale for […]

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