Gone

My daughter and I were at a Wal-Mart neighborhood market. I was picking through the bananas trying to select the ones that’s not too ripe.  When suddenly out of nowhere she says, “Life is unfair, I have a broken family, why are you divorced.”  I was taken aback and I felt that nudge in my heart again.  I could hear my mind grinding and saying, “I hope it won’t affect you when you grow up, I hope you’ll turn out just fine, I hope you’ll be better than us (my ex and I).” I would do everything to make my daughter happy, even if it means reconciliation with her mother in spite of what she had put me through.  But it’s long overdue.  The era of giving chances and pursuing is over.  Yes, it sounds contradicting to the faith I practice.  I have been criticized that I have become numb and that my heart has been hardened, that I should give her another chance (twice committing infidelity, one I can’t proved).  Another chance?  I have given so much that I’ve lost my self in the process, I have given so much that I was taken advantage,  I have given so much that I was viewed as weak, feeble, powerless, dumb and stupid.  Yet, there’s only one reason why I gave so many-Love! “But you’re a Christian, Christians are supposed to be forgiving and kind all the time.”  Yes, we must […]

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Out of the Ashes

When I found out that my former spouse has betrayed me, as I read the exchanged of text messages.  Sultry, as I would describe it, but that’s putting it lightly.  That very moment, time suddenly froze.  It’s like the essence of life in me have been snuffed out like you would blow a candle.  Gone, just like that and every thing turned into total darkness and the only thing you could smell are the smoke rising from the flame that’s been smothered.  Gone is the light that made me see.  No way out, arms stretched out with my hands and palms trying to grasp for the light.  I couldn’t see a thing.  I stumbled and fell as I try to feel the walls hoping I’ll found a way out.  Alas, she has taken my soul! Season changed and time went by.  I’ve completely lost myself and as I struggled through the darkness, I navigate through my surroundings not by  seeing but by feeling.  Languidly, I start to paint a mental picture of the whole place until I found a door but to my dismay it was shut tight like someone boarded it up and nailed it shut.  I am a prisoner of my own self. Now, I have the knowledge where all the things that would’ve made me tumble.  I know them by heart, but still I am trapped in this place and every breath I take seems like eternity.  […]

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The Unwitting Victim(s) of Divorce

Most think the one that suffer the most in divorce are couples, but the silent victims are the children.  I remember how my daughter was so confused.  She couldn’t decide who to follow, who to believe or who’s place she’s going to sleep when evening comes.  Every time I looked at her, though she didn’t speak openly I could see […]

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