“You know what your problem is? You are too nice!” I often hear that more than enough from friends, families and associates especially the time when my past marriage was on its downward spiral. Like a plane without a pilot plunging towards the bottom of the sea, or a ship without its skipper running aground and hitting a big rock. The impact is so hard you could hardly breathe because you have no idea what hit you.
To a lot of people, I was seen as dumb and stupid to still pursue someone who doesn’t have me as their best interest in their heart. What better proof you could get than betrayal and infidelity, right there in the open with no remorse, getting yelled at the bottom of the stairs, “Go away, I don’t love you anymore,” drained and demolished, while you are still married. I am not here to point fingers on who to blame or who did the worse. I admit that I wasn’t perfect and I made my own mistakes too.
My faith plays a big factor why I’m too nice. At first I thought it was all me that was enduring all those nasty things, I realize now that it’s Jesus Christ all along. I’m still scratching my head how did I go through that? How did I keep my sanity? He was the one taking all the punches, the kicks and finally the final blow. It is Jesus Christ who took all those pain, carried it through Calvary and nail it on the cross.
One night I prayed, asking God I couldn’t do it anymore. He answered back, “Have you done more than enough?” What do you mean more than enough? Infidelity has been committed, didn’t you say that’s already a ground for divorce (Matthew 19:9). With that question, if I have done everything I could, beyond the capabilities of a normal individual, I extend God’s mercy, grace and forgiveness once again. Not just anyone but someone who torn my heart into pieces, shattered my soul with no remorse, even proud of it and prays for my own death.
I remember listening to Paul Washer extending grace, mercy and forgiveness on You Tube. Coincidence, you may say that his sermon is extending those things I mentioned above, guess what to who? Spouses. Yes, it hurts to go after someone you love and doesn’t love you back and for me that is love. I think about what God has done for me. For all my mistakes, my broken promises, my failures, the betrayals I made to Him. All forgiven and forgotten by Him through His Son Jesus Christ because of His grace, mercy and love. Yet here I am, denying those things that I am after before God to others. So I bought some flowers, trying to win her back and save my marriage. Even when I have the divorce papers on hand, I asked her if that’s what she really wanted. I know a lot of people think I was crazy to do such thing. To this day, I don’t regret doing that at all. I am actually glad I did that. Because I could look back now that I’ve done more than enough, more than I ever could. I don’t have any regrets telling myself if I would’ve done this or that. It taught me what really love is and how to love unconditionally. No matter the pain and the shame it did to my dignity. It made me see and feel how God feels when we reject Him and disobey His words.
Once in a while I would run to former high school classmates and friends who’s having marital problems. They’d ask me for advice and I ask them, “Do you love your spouse?” And they’ll answer right away with a big, “Yes.” I will give you the same advice like I gave them. Be fool for your love. Go after your spouse, fight for it and make your last stand. Don’t worry about how people see you. Don’t pay attention if you’ll make fun of. Swallow your pride. After you’ve done everything you could, trust me and I’m speaking from experience, you’ll never have regret. When the time comes to let go, then let go.
The lot has been cast and it’s not on you.