I remember around this time last year when I called my cousin. There I was on the phone talking to him, broken, how I saw in front of me the devastation I felt that there’s no more hope in saving my marriage and my family. To make it worse the betrayal I felt. The fear that engulf me once I found out all my suspicions were true. I felt used, my confidence was completely broken. Just you’d expect that things would get better, on the week of my divorced getting finalized, my father passed away.
He said to me, “Don’t worry ‘cuz, you’re journey into the wilderness is going to end soon.” I don’t know why he said that. It made me think how the Israelites were left wondering in the wilderness for 40 years because of their disobedience. He is right, I was left also in the wilderness because of my disobedience. I didn’t listen to Him. I took His role as the one that could save and change an individual’s heart. I was blinded by the love that I had toward my former spouse. I knew what I was getting into. I took the chanced and gave in to my desires, though it’s completely against the word of God to marry her. I did it because I loved her.
It was indeed a journey into the wilderness, left alone to fend by myself. It wasn’t a bed of roses, it was a bed of thistles and thorns. Ups and downs, not a moment of bliss to last. To all these I endured, first, because I loved her. Second, because of my faith in God and in His words. Finally, that day would come when my eyes were finally opened. I eventually saw that I’m completely into pieces and wiped out. Indeed, love could rob you completely of your sight.
To a sum, I’m glad it ended. Slowly I am regaining of who I am and picking back the pieces so that I could be whole again, with the help and grace of God. I am also sad, because the way it affected my daughter.
Do not let this be an encouragement for you to get a divorce, except in case of infidelity and threat of life. Keep your family together, help and love each other unconditionally. Remember when you first fall in love.
A lot of things end in this world. If you’re into the wilderness right now, that’ll end too but it’s all dependent on the choices you make. Life must go on. All we can do is learn from it and be a better person.
What kind of wilderness you’ve been to? How did you get out of it?
Categories: Lift up your head