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Dejected? Trust.

I was on the phone recently talking to a close family friend.  It was about almost two hours of conversation.  Lately, this past few weeks I’ve been feeling down.  Hope, believe, expecting and then nothing.  Hope, believe, expecting, wait..there’s something, oh it’s nothing.  Hope, believe, expecting, wait.. ah there it is..almost had it, the carrot on the stick got pulled […]

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Gone

My daughter and I were at a Wal-Mart neighborhood market. I was picking through the bananas trying to select the ones that’s not too ripe.  When suddenly out of nowhere she says, “Life is unfair, I have a broken family, why are you divorced.”  I was taken aback and I felt that nudge in my heart again.  I could hear my mind grinding and saying, “I hope it won’t affect you when you grow up, I hope you’ll turn out just fine, I hope you’ll be better than us (my ex and I).” I would do everything to make my daughter happy, even if it means reconciliation with her mother in spite of what she had put me through.  But it’s long overdue.  The era of giving chances and pursuing is over.  Yes, it sounds contradicting to the faith I practice.  I have been criticized that I have become numb and that my heart has been hardened, that I should give her another chance (twice committing infidelity, one I can’t proved).  Another chance?  I have given so much that I’ve lost my self in the process, I have given so much that I was taken advantage,  I have given so much that I was viewed as weak, feeble, powerless, dumb and stupid.  Yet, there’s only one reason why I gave so many-Love! “But you’re a Christian, Christians are supposed to be forgiving and kind all the time.”  Yes, we must […]

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Out of the Ashes

When I found out that my former spouse has betrayed me, as I read the exchanged of text messages.  Sultry, as I would describe it, but that’s putting it lightly.  That very moment, time suddenly froze.  It’s like the essence of life in me have been snuffed out like you would blow a candle.  Gone, just like that and every thing turned into total darkness and the only thing you could smell are the smoke rising from the flame that’s been smothered.  Gone is the light that made me see.  No way out, arms stretched out with my hands and palms trying to grasp for the light.  I couldn’t see a thing.  I stumbled and fell as I try to feel the walls hoping I’ll found a way out.  Alas, she has taken my soul! Season changed and time went by.  I’ve completely lost myself and as I struggled through the darkness, I navigate through my surroundings not by  seeing but by feeling.  Languidly, I start to paint a mental picture of the whole place until I found a door but to my dismay it was shut tight like someone boarded it up and nailed it shut.  I am a prisoner of my own self. Now, I have the knowledge where all the things that would’ve made me tumble.  I know them by heart, but still I am trapped in this place and every breath I take seems like eternity.  […]

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The Unwitting Victim(s) of Divorce

Most think the one that suffer the most in divorce are couples, but the silent victims are the children.  I remember how my daughter was so confused.  She couldn’t decide who to follow, who to believe or who’s place she’s going to sleep when evening comes.  Every time I looked at her, though she didn’t speak openly I could see […]

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Don’t Worry, Pray

The title reminds me of the song by Bobby McFerrin, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”  Let’s face it, it’s hard to be happy when you’re worrying.  The flood of negative emotions and thoughts leave you dry and empty.  Unable to concentrate on the task at hand.  It’s like our minds have conspired against us, only to find out later that such […]

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Stolen Heart

I was lying in bed one nightIn the plains of KansasWhen I heard a voiceCame out of nowhere Like a shooting starIn the vast of empty skiesThe freezing cold rainAnd the dreaded wintry mix Could not hideIt’s lightShining so brightThat whoever stares at itWould loss ones sight I heard her voiceCalled my nameLike she’d known meFrom all the agesThat has been forgottenWhen the ancients passed. To my surprisedShe opened up and gave her trustTo a stranger like meWhom she barely knew In return I opened my heartI let the doors wide openSo she could come and goWhenever she wants Little did I knowThe moment she gained my trustThat she would steal my heartAnd I don’t thinkShe’ll return it back Stolen heart, stolen heartHow will I everGet you back She has goneTo the deepsWhere thatFabled AtlantisUsed to reside.

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No Regrets

I’ve always been ask if I have any regrets marrying my former spouse.  Could I have prevented it if I listened to the counsel of my friends and the words of wisdom from my own mother (they were all against it).  I’ve always been told that it was such a waste-fourteen years-and that’s just it.  I do admit they are […]

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Marriage is not for you..

if you don’t want someone telling you what to do. if you’re not financially responsible. if you don’t want someone to rearrange your furniture or wardrobe. if you have a problem putting the toilet seat up or too lazy to refill the toilet paper. if you loathe self-sacrifice. if you’re a burden to each other. if you can’t keep your fly closed or keep your legs closed. if you think it’s the answer to all your troubles. if you think life will be easier. if you just want to be taken care of. if your career takes precedence above all else. if you dislike doing house chores. if you love the company of your friends more than your companion. if you can’t hold your tongue. if you  dread the idea of sleeping with only one individual for the rest of your life. if you’re dominating. if you find it repulsive to compromise and work out differences. if you can’t manage your anger. if you like to hold grudges and score cards. if you hate doing dishes. if you despised cooking. if your seam burst every time a button is press. if you craved instant gratification. if you take things for granted, whine about every thing and appreciate nothing. if you don’t like to explain things over and over. if you don’t like being asked the same questions and you give the same answer, then asked the same question again. if […]

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Slippery Slope

Nothing is more painful than someone breaking your heart.  Especially if you’ve been together for so  many years that you wouldn’t even think that something stomach crunching would happen.  You would never dreamed  the idea of betrayal, separation and divorce.  Not once that it ever crossed your mind.  They were no red flags, no signs.  It’s like a flash of […]

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